Abortion is not the only option for women who don’t feel that parenting is the right choice. Many women love and want their babies but simply aren’t in a place to care for them. That’s how it was for me when I experienced an unplanned pregnancy. I was very young, and not in a good place emotionally. There was no way that I could give my child the life she deserved. But that didn’t mean I had to have an abortion. I had another option: adoption.

Many people think that adoption is expensive, and it is. But not for the birth mother. Typically, an agency or the adoptive parents directly will pay for medical care. All of the legal fees are paid for by the agency/adoptive family. Adoption can actually cost less than an abortion because it is completely free to place a child for adoption, and abortions are a medical procedure that costs money.

That being said, adoption does not come without consequences. Placing my baby was the hardest thing I have ever done. I miss her daily, but I would miss her even more if I had chosen abortion. Because of adoption, I know what my baby looks like, and I am able to have a relationship with her. It’s not the same as being her mom, but I am so grateful for my open adoption that has allowed me to maintain a special bond with her. 

Because I chose adoption over abortion, a family grew. The adoptive parents I chose for my baby would not have been able to be parents without adoption. They are amazing people, and they deserve to have kids. If I had chosen abortion, they wouldn’t have their little daughter.

Most importantly, my baby got to live. She will grow up in a happy, stable home, and I will be there for her to answer any questions she might have later on about her adoption story. She gets to run and play and laugh, and the world is now home to one more beautiful soul.

There are many reasons why women choose abortion. But if money is the only reason to consider it, there are better options. Adoption means that families get to grow, children get to live, and biological mothers don’t have to end their pregnancies if they don’t want to.

Adoption is a valid, wonderful, and totally free alternative to abortion. If you are facing an unplanned pregnancy and looking for parenting alternatives, I would strongly urge you to consider adoption. I’m so glad I did.

Are you considering placing a child for adoption? Do you want more choices with your adoption plan? Do you want to regain more control in your life? Visit Adoption.org or call 1-800-ADOPT-98. We can help you put together an adoption plan that best meets your needs.

The post Are There Free Abortion Alternatives? appeared first on Abortion Alternatives | Free Adoption Options or Parenting.

1. Abortion is a barbaric and painful procedure. The various types of surgical abortions cause extreme pain to the fetus. Pro-choicers will argue that babies don’t feel pain, however, recent research in fetal development shows that the nervous system is developed early in the first trimester of pregnancy, and ultrasounds of abortions show babies curling up, screaming, and moving away from abortion instruments. Abortions involve piercing into the heart, scalding with the skin and lungs with saline, or pulling off limbs. Can you, as an adult, imagine the pain of having your limbs pulled off of your body? This type of torture is illegal for people and babies once they are outside of the uterus. Think about it…the only difference between a baby outside the womb and inside is their location. They can still feel pain.
2. There are side effects to the mother. A medical abortion, where medication is used to force the body to have contractions can cause severe bleeding and is contraindicated in some women. Anytime a woman is placed under anesthesia (needed for a surgical abortion), there are risks.
3. There are plenty of families who would love to adopt. I also know of many families, fertile and infertile, who want to adopt babies. I myself have offered to adopt when I hear of women who are planning abortions, even though I have my own biological children. 
4. Abortion should not be used as birth control. I have a friend who had 13 abortions. She used them as her birth control. When she actually wanted to get pregnant, her uterus was so scarred from all of the previous pregnancies that she had to be put on bed rest and her baby was born prematurely because her uterus was not in the shape that it should have been due to all of the abortions.
5. There are emotional risks as to the mother for having an abortion. Every woman that I personally know who has had an abortion regrets it, feeling like she killed her child. I have one friend who has debilitating panic attacks on the anniversary of the abortion and on her child’s due date every year.

Are you considering adoption and want to give your child the best life possible? Let us help you find an adoptive family that you love. Visit Adoption.org or call 1-800-ADOPT-98.

The post 5 Reasons to Choose Adoption over Abortion appeared first on Abortion Alternatives | Free Adoption Options or Parenting.

In hindsight I think we thought we could just erase the mistake that we made. It seemed like a sensible option since neither of us was ready to be a parent, and we hadn’t yet been together a year. We knew we loved each other, and I was young and naïve. I couldn’t bear to be without my boyfriend. I shudder even now as I read that. But it was my reality at that point in time.

A week or so later, we made the drive—out of state—to have the procedure done. It wasn’t something that I was ever really relieved about. I had reservations. But I had reconciled myself to it. The plan was that my boyfriend would wait at his brother’s apartment and then pick me up when it was over. He wasn’t allowed to be with me in those days.  

I went in. Stone-faced and numb. I sat there as they “counseled” me. They asked me a hundred versions of the same question. And then they did the ultrasound. It was then I knew I wanted to back out. I did not want to do this. I had no way to reach my boyfriend; there were no cell phones, and I didn’t know what it would mean to be strong enough to walk out. I had the procedure.  

It’s safe to say we immediately regretted our decision. We cried the whole way home. We didn’t talk about it. We moved on. But that loss never left us even when we married a couple years later. It became especially difficult when we started to build our family a few years after that. I started to become angry with my (now) husband, blaming him, blaming myself for being weak when my baby needed me to be strong. I was angry. And sad. So very, very sad.  

It would come to be for us that this baby was the only one we would create together, the only baby I would hold within my body. There’s no way we could have known it then. It wasn’t a result of the abortion, but a result of life. I would have missed this baby every day either way, but it was especially difficult because of the circumstances of our life.  

I am working on forgiving myself. The shame and anger are something that I live with every day. But the regret is real. It’s tangible. Somedays I feel like it could eat me alive. I think about that baby every day. It has been over 20 years, and I think about him or her every, single, day. The regret, the loss, it’s very real.

If you are unexpectedly pregnant, please consider adoption. Visit Adoption.com to view adoption profiles from hopeful adoptive parents. Visit Adoption.com/unplanned-pregnancy to find guidance with your unplanned pregnancy.

The post Is There Such a Thing As Abortion Regret? appeared first on Abortion Alternatives | Free Adoption Options or Parenting.

When thinking through your unplanned pregnancy options, it is important to first take a deep breath and sleep on your options. While time is pressing and you will have to make a decision, it is better not to make it a rash decision. Talk through your options with those whom you trust and also those who have been through what you are going through.

Your Unplanned Pregnancy Options

If you are considering parenting, the main concern would be to make sure that you are able to provide for your child a safe, secure, and loving environment. Children do not need the world. Many studies have shown children with less “stuff” (toys, tv, etc.) and more one on one time with their parents thrive intellectually! You simply need room for them in a secure and safe home and the ability to supply their basic needs. If you have a support system and/or family around, that is invaluable, but not essential. If you are able, it is good to try to connect to any support system you may be able to find in your area such as local mom’s groups, churches, the YMCA, etc. 

If you are considering adoption, the first step is to contact a local adoption agency. Contacting an agency is not committing to placement, but simply allowing you to gather some information. An adoption agency should be supportive of you and not place undue pressure. If you feel any uneasiness, there are typically many options to speak with alternate agencies. If you decide that placement may be the best option, the next step would be to decide what kind of adoption you hope for. What kind of upbringing do you imagine your child to have? What type of parents? Do you want an open adoption? What would be your hope for visits if at all? The agency should lead you through these options and give you an opportunity to be a part of choosing adoptive parents for your child. Open adoption is much more popular and may give you opportunity to be a regular part of your child’s life.

A third option you may consider is either living with or placing your child with a family member while you prepare yourself to parent in the future. You may also choose to let a family member adopt your child to allow for more regular contact or simply peace of mind. If you have this option, it can be both beneficial to you and your child to maintain your relationship and that sense of familial connection.

Regardless of what you decide, know that the decision is ultimately yours and (if applicable) your partner’s. The internet is an invaluable tool to seek out advice, anecdotes, option and support. Visit credible sites such as Adoption.com for adoption support and search for local parenting groups such as MOPS if you choose to parent. Take your time, step back from the situation to view it from all sides, and seek out those whom you trust for wise counsel. Remember there are alternatives to abortion with your crisis pregnancy.

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Placing a baby for adoption is a bittersweet experience. It is not just a singular event, it changes your life forever. One does not simply place a baby for adoption and forget all about it. Choosing adoption means grief, joy, love and loss. Choosing adoption means choosing life.

Placing my baby for adoption was the hardest thing I have ever done. While I was pregnant, I experienced a lot of judgement. I was young and single, so many people assumed that I was without moral, saying that I had thrown my life away. When I chose adoption, some people called me irresponsible, or didn’t believe that I loved my baby. That was hard for me.

However, for every negative comment I received, I got at least five that were positive. Most people understood that I was doing my best with a difficult situation. I had friends, family, and even strangers reach out and support me through my pregnancy. Some of the people I had been the most afraid of being judged by were the ones who were the most supportive of me and my decision.

Delivering my baby knowing that I wouldn’t be taking her home with me was exhausting, physically and emotionally. I cried from the pain of labor and the pain of my heart. Just when I was ready to give up, my sweet baby finally entered the world. The nurse handed her to me, and I knew that no matter how hard it had been, and no matter how hard it would be, the cliché is true–it was worth it. I loved my baby more than I ever thought possible.

Placement

When the time came to place my newborn baby into her adoptive parent’s arms, my heart shattered. This baby who I loved so fiercely wasn’t mine anymore. I couldn’t hold her or soothe her when she cried. I wouldn’t be there for her first steps, and I wouldn’t be the one she called mama. It made me think I would never recover.

Two years later and I can say I have found a new normal. I will never fully ‘get over’ the loss of placing my baby for adoption. The pain is the cost of loving her. But it doesn’t hurt every day. I am blessed to have a very open adoption, so I receive regular photos and updates from her adoptive parents. I visit my birth daughter often, and we share a special bond that I wouldn’t trade for anything. She is thriving with her beautiful family, living the childhood I hoped and dreamed she would have.

My adoption journey hasn’t been easy, but it’s been worth it. I have become stronger, more empathetic, and more loving. For every tear I have shed for my loss, I have smiled and laughed with joy for my open adoption. Watching my birth daughter grow up being loved by her adoptive family heals my heart and brings joy to my soul. Carrying this little person and helping to build a forever family has been an honor.

If you are facing an unplanned pregnancy and would like to know more about the option of adoption, click here for a free consultation with an adoption professional.

Annaleece Merrill

To find more couples hoping to adopt a baby, visit Adoption.com and look through adoption profiles.

The post Abortion Alternative: What It’s Like To Place A Baby For Adoption appeared first on Abortion Alternatives | Free Adoption Options or Parenting.

In my situation, this was an unexpected pregnancy, to say the least. I was 20 years old when I had the pregnancy confirmed. From that moment, I had planned to raise her myself. I knew it would be difficult, I just wasn’t aware of how difficult it would be before she was even born. The biological dad didn’t want to help raise her, and I wasn’t having an abortion. I was still living at home with my parents and younger sibling and was very unhappy. This was NOT the “perfect” family. She deserved more, so I chose to place her for adoption.

When I was asked, to pretty much build the “perfect” family, I was unsure what that meant. It meant to list the qualities I wanted my child’s future parents to have. It took me a couple of days to finalize that list and give it to the adoption agency. I wanted to make sure it was just right. From this list, and what the bio dad and I looked like, I was paired with three couples. Six people. What if I liked the wife, but not the husband, or vice versa? What if I didn’t like their professions? How would I be able to pick out the “perfect” couple?

In my circumstances, the adoptive parents write a letter to potential birth mothers, giving a bit of information on themselves, their struggles to have a child, why they’d love your child, what they do for a living, etc. I must’ve read those letters at least 30 times each. Each time I had the same gut reaction as I did the first time I read the letters. The first two letters, to me, sounded very business-like. I’m sure it wasn’t their intention, but it seemed as if it was a business transaction–cold, distant, but straight to the point.

The third letter grabbed my heart from the very start. Originally, I had decided as soon as I read the third letter. Though I knew it was too big of a decision to not read them all, and multiple times. This couple was genuine and open with all they had been through in their quest for a child. On paper they were “perfect.” Now to meet them in person. I was not disappointed!! They were even better in person. I went home after meeting them and told my parents how perfect they were. They were the right couple to raise my daughter as their own.

When I handed them their beautiful baby girl, I immediately saw the love they had for her. The love they had, was not only for her, but for me as well. It was amazing and beautiful. This was the “perfect” family. They had all the qualities I hoped for, loved this little girl as if biologically she was their own, loved me, and sent me updates on her life.

Fast forward and I found out things about the family dynamics–as a couple and as a family. I started feeling guilty and wondering if I had truly picked the right family for my child. Was this really the “perfect” family? NO! It wasn’t! There is not one family that is perfect. Every family has something.

No matter what the dynamics are in my daughter’s family, I know that her mom has done everything to give her the best life she could possibly have. My daughter certainly has a better life than I could’ve given her, at the time. To me, that’s what makes a “perfect” family.

If you’re in the placement process, here are a few things I learned:

• Don’t put unattainable expectations on you or the prospective adoptive parents.
• Be as open as you can be with the couple that you pick. They have fears and concerns, just like you.
• Use an agency/lawyer that treats you like a person and not like money in the bank.
• Go with your gut (and cautiously with your heart). If it doesn’t seem right, speak up.
• Don’t let anyone tell you that your feelings aren’t valid because you’re placing your child for adoption.

For more guidance with your unplanned pregnancy and how to maneuver through abortion alternatives, visit Adoption.com. You can also view adoption profiles of hopeful adoptive parents.

The post Adoption: Choosing The “Perfect” Family appeared first on Abortion Alternatives | Free Adoption Options or Parenting.

Firstly, it’s important that they understand that this is your choice. You are the one with the baby growing inside of you and it is YOUR choice.

These other 13 tips will help you navigate these nay-sayers.

1. Find a Pregnancy Resource Center/Pregnancy Crisis Center so that you can have a counselor who can back you up to the nay-sayers.
2. Create a plan. If you really want to convince others that you are making the right decision for you and your baby, create a realistic plan to show what continuing on with the pregnancy will look like for you. You may plan to parent alone or co-parent, perhaps taking parenting classes would help people see that you are committed to being the best parent possible for your baby. If you plan to choose adoption for your baby, then  finding a licensed adoption specialist to speak with your family about the benefits of adoption would increase your credibility to those who want you to abort.
3. Make an appointment with your doctor or midwife. Ask for an ultrasound. Show others the picture of your baby. Take away the abstract and unknown, and show everyone who your baby is. If your baby is real to people, then it’s much harder for them to advocate for termination.
4. Be excited about your pregnancy. If you start showing excitement, it’s hard for people to condemn you.
5. Talk about your baby. Talk about the hopes and dreams you have for your baby. Make others see that your baby is a real person with the potential to make a difference in this world.

6. Show people how you are making positive changes in your life to reflect continuing with the pregnancy. If you smoke, drink alcohol, or do drugs, get help quitting. Start eating as healthy as you can. Start taking prenatal vitamins and have regular prenatal visits with your doctor or midwife. Being able to tell others that you are committed to creating a healthy body for your baby to develop in will go a long way to proving that you are making the right choice.
7. Be firm. Say no. If they bring you to an abortion clinic, tell the doctors you say no. Doctors won’t perform an abortion without your consent.
8. Remind people that every life matters. Lives have purposes and are created for a reason. Tell them that because you are choosing life for your baby, this is the greatest gift you can give your child. It takes sacrifice and selflessness, but you are willing to put the life of your child above previous life plans.
9. If you choose adoption for your baby, explain how you will be bringing the greatest joy into the life of a family. You are giving this family the greatest, most selfless gift possible. You want to do something that is bigger than you.
10. If you choose to raise your child, explain that you are ready to be a mom. You know it will be difficult at times, but there will also be a lot of joy in watching your child grow. Your child is a gift to you and your family–not a burden.
11. With abortion can come regret, pain, depression, and many other emotions and feelings. You will never regret not having an abortion. No one ever wished they could abort their baby after they met their baby.
12. Try helping them picture their life in their new role. For example, let them know what they can do as grandparents with the baby, or as father to the baby. Tell them how good they’ll be or let them know, if they are feeling hesitant, that they could attend a parenting class with you.
13. Tell them abortion is killing and you are not willing to have your baby killed. You are your baby’s protector. Whether you believe it or not, it’s a statement that might quiet people.

Whatever you choose to say in your unplanned pregnancy, be confident, be firm and don’t let them change your mind. You are already an amazing mother because you are advocating and standing up for your baby, and that is what a mother does!

by Theresa Siertsema

For more guidance in your unexpected pregnancy, visit Adoption.com.

If you are considering adoption for your baby and don’t know where to start, visit Adoption.com for information as well as a chance to view some adoption profiles of hopeful adoptive parents.

The post How To Respond To People Telling You To Have An Abortion In Your Unplanned Pregnancy appeared first on Abortion Alternatives | Free Adoption Options or Parenting.

First things first, you’ll want to do is to build Team Baby. Whether you decide to parent alone, co-parent with the baby’s father, choose a family member to care for your baby, or choose another family to adopt your baby, you are going to need an All Star team for you and your baby. Your team can be whatever size you’d like–definitely take quality over quantity. When building your Team Baby make sure that your team members are supportive of you and your decisions. Allow people in who will discuss with you and give you suggestions, but will ultimately back you up on your decisions.

Here are some suggestions of who could/should be on Team Baby with you:

1. “Your Person”

To borrow the phrase from Grey’s Anatomy, this person should be a really good friend (maybe the baby’s father, maybe a trusted family member, maybe a trusted friend). He or she should be someone who will go with you to appointments and help you understand all the information you are given. Someone who will be there to support you through the good, the bad, the ugly, and the amazing of your pregnancy. This person is someone who is there no matter what and on your side no matter what.

 2. Midwife or Obstetrician

Find a midwife or a good obstetrician. These medical professionals can help you through the changes and challenges that being pregnant will bring. They are also essential for ensuring that your baby is growing well and that you remain healthy. Regular prenatal doctor/midwife visits are a must!

3. Counselor you can trust

You are making some big, potentially life-changing decisions and it’s good to have a professional you can talk through those decisions. A good counselor can help you figure out what the right choice is for you! You can find a counselor through a pregnancy options and support center or through the health unit.

4. Trusted Religious Advisor

A pastor or minister can be helpful as they will pray for you or with you and can be another support person you can trust. They can help you find peace in your decision-making. They might suggest coming out to their church or gathering as well. This can be a good idea if it is something you are comfortable with. It is a good way to meet people who have been through all sorts of life circumstances, but have found peace. These people can become good friends and a good support system as well.

5. Your Cheering Squad

Or in other words your support system. These can be family and friends who support your decision and are willing to walk with you in the weeks and months to come. They should be people who will encourage you and be positive influence around you

6. An Adoption Specialist within a licensed adoption agency

One abortion alternative is adoption. If you are thinking of looking into the adoption route, then it would be a good idea to find an adoption specialist that you trust to help you find the perfect family for your baby. He or she should be someone who will listen to all the needs and wants that you have for your baby and his/her future. It should be someone who will consider the involvement that you may want or not want in your baby’s future as well. Make sure that this individual comes from a licensed adoption agency. Your counselor, religious advisor, or midwife/doctor could likely help you make sure you find a good licensed adoption specialist.

Well there you have it: Team Baby. With you as the captain and with your trusted teammates, you and baby are going to do great! You’ll encounter challenges, and the opposition might be fierce, but overall you and your baby will overcome and be the victors. Whatever decision you make from here, you chose life for your baby and that already makes you a champion.

For more guidance in your unplanned pregnancy, visit Adoption.com. If you are considering placing your baby for adoption, you can go to Adoption.com to view adoption profiles of hopeful adoptive parents. 

The post 6 People You Need When Choosing An Abortion Alternative appeared first on Abortion Alternatives | Free Adoption Options or Parenting.

I was sitting alone at a small cafe when a bright-eyed, blonde-haired force of an 8-year-old boy sat at my table. We had not met before, but he talked as if he had known me all his life. As he frantically colored his coloring page, he spoke without ceasing about everything from hot wheels to Bakugan. A few minutes later, his dad came up and asked him in his worst Napoleon Dynamite voice, “You want some tots?” His little boy giggled and later told his dad in the car that he should ask out the girl he was sitting with because “she was a babe.” He finally did and the rest is history. Who knew that a single parenting father and his son would change my life?

Here we are, nine years later, and that bustling boy is my stepchild and the poor man with the terrible Napoleon Dynamite voice is my husband! When I met my husband, he was struggling to figure out the single dad life and striving to co-parent the best he could. My stepson is now 17 and has an amazing mom and dad. They have both had to figure out the dynamics of single parenting and also the dynamics of co-parenting without great examples to look toward. There have many ups and downs, but by placing the priority on him, both parents have done an amazing job putting aside their differences to put their son first.

The story is unfortunately too common. The struggling single mom or dad working three jobs to support their child because the other parent is M.I.A. The separated parents of a child constantly at each other’s throats due to disagreement and pride. Here are three things you must know about single parenting and co-parenting:

1. Single Parents Doing It Right Are Amazing!

I know a single-mom very well who is the sole provider for her two children. Their father is in and out of the picture when he wants, but is unfortunately heavily involved in drugs and not able or willing to provide for his children. I also know a single dad who is in this exact situation with the mother of his children. The strength it takes them to provide for their children alone, and the amazing people their children are becoming, is inspiring. They seek to fill the void placed by the other parent and somehow adapt to doing all of this alone. Single parenting is not for the faint of heart, but is very possible and rewarding.

2. Pride Destroys Lives

It is very likely that a single parent or separated parent may have some sort of resentment toward their ex. It is uncommon that a separation occurred from a mutual and friendly place. It’s very easy to want revenge or want to make the other person pay. It is hard not to let pride get to us! When co-parenting, you have to put your pride aside daily for your child. Never use your child as a pawn. Your ex may even move on to a new relationship, making the pain even greater. Regardless of the pain, pride will only hurt your child and destroy a great opportunity to co-parent.

If you are a single parent with no outside support, your life is no longer your own. You will have to swallow your pride to not only say no to freedoms you once had, but also to ask for help when you need it. You have a whole new world of making decisions based on your child. Vocational, relational, and financial decisions, among others, should all come from a place of that will benefit your child.

3. When Children Come First, Love Wins Out!

When you put your child first you are able to make your decisions through the lens of what is best for them, not what feels the most satisfying for you. Even if the other parent does not quite get that aspect yet, your example will speak volumes. Rise above for your child. When you are able to set aside your differences, it is life giving for the child. They do not have to bear the burden of picking sides or feeling turmoil. If you are a single parent and the other parent is not involved, your whole life will revolve around placing your child first. Whether single or co-parenting, your child ultimately feeling loved, wanted, and secure in his or her relationships will be your ultimate mission.

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