Pregnancy can be a huge shock when you aren’t expecting it. It can rock the world of even the most lackadaisical person. Coming to terms with an unplanned pregnancy is a difficult thing. What do you do when you are able to come to terms with the pregnancy, but others aren’t? When other people, even the most important people (baby’s father, your family) are advocating for you to abort? What do you say to help them understand that this isn’t something you are willing to do?
Firstly, it’s important that they understand that this is your choice. You are the one with the baby growing inside of you and it is YOUR choice.
These other 13 tips will help you navigate these nay-sayers.
- Find a Pregnancy Resource Center/Pregnancy Crisis Center so that you can have a counselor who can back you up to the nay-sayers.
- Create a plan. If you really want to convince others that you are making the right decision for you and your baby, create a realistic plan to show what continuing on with the pregnancy will look like for you. You may plan to parent alone or co-parent, perhaps taking parenting classes would help people see that you are committed to being the best parent possible for your baby. If you plan to choose adoption for your baby, then finding a licensed adoption specialist to speak with your family about the benefits of adoption would increase your credibility to those who want you to abort.
- Make an appointment with your doctor or midwife. Ask for an ultrasound. Show others the picture of your baby. Take away the abstract and unknown, and show everyone who your baby is. If your baby is real to people, then it’s much harder for them to advocate for termination.
- Be excited about your pregnancy. If you start showing excitement, it’s hard for people to condemn you.
- Talk about your baby. Talk about the hopes and dreams you have for your baby. Make others see that your baby is a real person with the potential to make a difference in this world.
- Show people how you are making positive changes in your life to reflect continuing with the pregnancy. If you smoke, drink alcohol, or do drugs, get help quitting. Start eating as healthy as you can. Start taking prenatal vitamins and have regular prenatal visits with your doctor or midwife. Being able to tell others that you are committed to creating a healthy body for your baby to develop in will go a long way to proving that you are making the right choice.
- Be firm. Say no. If they bring you to an abortion clinic, tell the doctors you say no. Doctors won’t perform an abortion without your consent.
- Remind people that every life matters. Lives have purposes and are created for a reason. Tell them that because you are choosing life for your baby, this is the greatest gift you can give your child. It takes sacrifice and selflessness, but you are willing to put the life of your child above previous life plans.
- If you choose adoption for your baby, explain how you will be bringing the greatest joy into the life of a family. You are giving this family the greatest, most selfless gift possible. You want to do something that is bigger than you.
- If you choose to raise your child, explain that you are ready to be a mom. You know it will be difficult at times, but there will also be a lot of joy in watching your child grow. Your child is a gift to you and your family–not a burden.
- With abortion can come regret, pain, depression, and many other emotions and feelings. You will never regret not having an abortion. No one ever wished they could abort their baby after they met their baby.
- Try helping them picture their life in their new role. For example, let them know what they can do as grandparents with the baby, or as father to the baby. Tell them how good they’ll be or let them know, if they are feeling hesitant, that they could attend a parenting class with you.
- Tell them abortion is killing and you are not willing to have your baby killed. You are your baby’s protector. Whether you believe it or not, it’s a statement that might quiet people.
Whatever you choose to say in your unplanned pregnancy, be confident, be firm and don’t let them change your mind. You are already an amazing mother because you are advocating and standing up for your baby, and that is what a mother does!
by Theresa Siertsema
For more guidance in your unexpected pregnancy, visit Adoption.com.