Abortion is not the only option for women who don’t feel that parenting is the right choice. Many women love and want their babies but simply aren’t in a place to care for them. That’s how it was for me when I experienced an unplanned pregnancy. I was very young, and not in a good place emotionally. There was no way that I could give my child the life she deserved. But that didn’t mean I had to have an abortion. I had another option: adoption.

Many people think that adoption is expensive, and it is. But not for the birth mother. Typically, an agency or the adoptive parents directly will pay for medical care. All of the legal fees are paid for by the agency/adoptive family. Adoption can actually cost less than an abortion because it is completely free to place a child for adoption, and abortions are a medical procedure that costs money.

That being said, adoption does not come without consequences. Placing my baby was the hardest thing I have ever done. I miss her daily, but I would miss her even more if I had chosen abortion. Because of adoption, I know what my baby looks like, and I am able to have a relationship with her. It’s not the same as being her mom, but I am so grateful for my open adoption that has allowed me to maintain a special bond with her. 

Because I chose adoption over abortion, a family grew. The adoptive parents I chose for my baby would not have been able to be parents without adoption. They are amazing people, and they deserve to have kids. If I had chosen abortion, they wouldn’t have their little daughter.

Most importantly, my baby got to live. She will grow up in a happy, stable home, and I will be there for her to answer any questions she might have later on about her adoption story. She gets to run and play and laugh, and the world is now home to one more beautiful soul.

There are many reasons why women choose abortion. But if money is the only reason to consider it, there are better options. Adoption means that families get to grow, children get to live, and biological mothers don’t have to end their pregnancies if they don’t want to.

Adoption is a valid, wonderful, and totally free alternative to abortion. If you are facing an unplanned pregnancy and looking for parenting alternatives, I would strongly urge you to consider adoption. I’m so glad I did.

Are you considering placing a child for adoption? Do you want more choices with your adoption plan? Do you want to regain more control in your life? Visit Adoption.org or call 1-800-ADOPT-98. We can help you put together an adoption plan that best meets your needs.

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1. Abortion is a barbaric and painful procedure. The various types of surgical abortions cause extreme pain to the fetus. Pro-choicers will argue that babies don’t feel pain, however, recent research in fetal development shows that the nervous system is developed early in the first trimester of pregnancy, and ultrasounds of abortions show babies curling up, screaming, and moving away from abortion instruments. Abortions involve piercing into the heart, scalding with the skin and lungs with saline, or pulling off limbs. Can you, as an adult, imagine the pain of having your limbs pulled off of your body? This type of torture is illegal for people and babies once they are outside of the uterus. Think about it…the only difference between a baby outside the womb and inside is their location. They can still feel pain.
2. There are side effects to the mother. A medical abortion, where medication is used to force the body to have contractions can cause severe bleeding and is contraindicated in some women. Anytime a woman is placed under anesthesia (needed for a surgical abortion), there are risks.
3. There are plenty of families who would love to adopt. I also know of many families, fertile and infertile, who want to adopt babies. I myself have offered to adopt when I hear of women who are planning abortions, even though I have my own biological children. 
4. Abortion should not be used as birth control. I have a friend who had 13 abortions. She used them as her birth control. When she actually wanted to get pregnant, her uterus was so scarred from all of the previous pregnancies that she had to be put on bed rest and her baby was born prematurely because her uterus was not in the shape that it should have been due to all of the abortions.
5. There are emotional risks as to the mother for having an abortion. Every woman that I personally know who has had an abortion regrets it, feeling like she killed her child. I have one friend who has debilitating panic attacks on the anniversary of the abortion and on her child’s due date every year.

Are you considering adoption and want to give your child the best life possible? Let us help you find an adoptive family that you love. Visit Adoption.org or call 1-800-ADOPT-98.

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In hindsight I think we thought we could just erase the mistake that we made. It seemed like a sensible option since neither of us was ready to be a parent, and we hadn’t yet been together a year. We knew we loved each other, and I was young and naïve. I couldn’t bear to be without my boyfriend. I shudder even now as I read that. But it was my reality at that point in time.

A week or so later, we made the drive—out of state—to have the procedure done. It wasn’t something that I was ever really relieved about. I had reservations. But I had reconciled myself to it. The plan was that my boyfriend would wait at his brother’s apartment and then pick me up when it was over. He wasn’t allowed to be with me in those days.  

I went in. Stone-faced and numb. I sat there as they “counseled” me. They asked me a hundred versions of the same question. And then they did the ultrasound. It was then I knew I wanted to back out. I did not want to do this. I had no way to reach my boyfriend; there were no cell phones, and I didn’t know what it would mean to be strong enough to walk out. I had the procedure.  

It’s safe to say we immediately regretted our decision. We cried the whole way home. We didn’t talk about it. We moved on. But that loss never left us even when we married a couple years later. It became especially difficult when we started to build our family a few years after that. I started to become angry with my (now) husband, blaming him, blaming myself for being weak when my baby needed me to be strong. I was angry. And sad. So very, very sad.  

It would come to be for us that this baby was the only one we would create together, the only baby I would hold within my body. There’s no way we could have known it then. It wasn’t a result of the abortion, but a result of life. I would have missed this baby every day either way, but it was especially difficult because of the circumstances of our life.  

I am working on forgiving myself. The shame and anger are something that I live with every day. But the regret is real. It’s tangible. Somedays I feel like it could eat me alive. I think about that baby every day. It has been over 20 years, and I think about him or her every, single, day. The regret, the loss, it’s very real.

If you are unexpectedly pregnant, please consider adoption. Visit Adoption.com to view adoption profiles from hopeful adoptive parents. Visit Adoption.com/unplanned-pregnancy to find guidance with your unplanned pregnancy.

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